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[I]f we experienced rejection or mistreatment when we were young, then achieving that combination of emotional and sexual intimacy may stir up deep feelings of sadness. If we allow ourselves to be fully present and in touch with our bodies during sex, we may be overwhelmed with sadness….

This may help explain why some people find it easier to be free sexually and experience orgasm in more casual sexual encounters than in close, long-term relationships. Another reason for this may be that they feel less vulnerable in these situations and more in control. When one is loved and valued in the context of a close romantic relationship, it often brings up feelings of vulnerability and challenges a negative self-image the person has long possessed. While this may sound like a positive thing, it can also feel really threatening and leave the person feeling disoriented and separated from their family of origin and the defenses/adaptations made early on. In addition, being committed to another person and depending on him or her for sexual satisfaction may stir up issues around trust and defenses that we may have adopted of being pseudo-independent and self-sufficient.